Chris (imrield) wrote,

More of the same.. sort of

Well, it looks like another Conservative minority government up here in good old Canadialand. Harper has stated he intends to treat it like a majority, and for the next year or so he'll likely have his way. No one is going to leap right back into another election. The Liberals got whipped pretty good. Can you hear Ignatieff and Rae sharpening their knives?

Haha, on CBC their Quebec analyst regarding whether the Liberals will/should keep Dion as leader: "You don't keep a symptom just so you can scratch it." Ouch.

Anyhow, as befits such a momentous occasion, I'd like to hand out a few awards and thank yous.

Thank you to:

1) Our tanking economy. Without you this election would have drearily slouched its way toward a predictable dull result. Instead, because of you, it was all whiz! bang! sweater! toward a predictable dull result.

2) Quebec. For doing what it always does.

3) Justin Trudeau. For accepting Stephane Dion's challenge, running in a hotly contested Quebec riding, and milking the political capital that comes with having a popular daddy for all its worth. Remember, anyone can dream, and with a wealth of political connections, those dreams can be built upon the pilloried masses.

4) Rex Murphy. For adding a delicate note of ghoulish terror to the CBC's otherwise face-friendly broadcast with trusted personalities like Peter Mansbridge and Rick Mercer.

Some awards:

The "What did you think would happen?" award to Elizabeth May, the only Green candidate with any sort of noteworthy profile, for running against Peter MacKay. MacKay had won the riding of Central Nova four times, his father seven more before him. I don't care what your principles are Ms. May. Get real or go home. Oh wait.

The "Sometimes progress isn't" award to Twitter, for somehow being relevant to the CBC's broadcast. Look, I really don't give a shit what a bunch of random people are "tweeting" during the coverage of the election. I realize that it sounds grumpy and old-manish to rant about new techonologies, but come on. All Twitter has done is confirm what we long suspected: that people's day to day thoughts and activities are as boring as (un)imaginably possible. It's like if you extracted the (dubious) merits of blogging, threw them out, and then kept the rest.

The Sad Emoticon award to Mr. Dion. :(

The Stunted Frozen Almost-Smile award to Mr. Harper. :|

The Good Citizen award to me for voting and watching election coverage rather than watching playoff baseball.

The Deceitful Liar award to me as well. I was watching the baseball game until it became a blow-out.

The Harrowing Alarm Clock award to every goddamn political leader except Elizabeth May. I have work tomorrow people, give your damn speeches already. BC? Screw them. Bunch of tree-huggers. Probably smoking pot right now. I wish I lived in BC.

The G. W. Bush award to Maxime Bernier, for overwhelming success in the face of overwhelming, embarrassing stupidity. Bernier crushed the opposition in his riding, capturing something like 62% of the vote. From this I choose to extrapolate that Quebecers prefer to elect people that sleep with attractive biker chicks, even if they leave classified documents in said biker chick's apartment.

Okay, so this has been a lousy election, and a lousy election post. I've been getting over a cold and am not on my "A" game. That's my excuse. Let's all move past this and look forward to the ritual sacrifice of Stephane Dion, which will play well for the Liberals with the influential occult vote come next election.
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