Chris (imrield) wrote,


OR some form. We charge through the path, ignoring thorns and barnacles. Can barnacles exist above water? Of course, because such natural defenses must be co-opted by the land when faced with such awesomeness. What awesomeness? The abandon, the sort of "Well, this could go badly, but fuck it let's roll", or as the wussies say, the "Je ne sais qua"(sp?). It's not some sort of immortal pursuit, never world changing, but always interesting in that car crash sort of way. That gruesome, very primal and yet private, that event that incites a longing, albeit often a vague one (for such things are foolish), but a longing, an envy, a sort of "Well, if I'd wanted to fuck up my life, that would have been a pretty cool thing to do."

Wow. I don't know. Dave and I discussed the death of the middle class. I do not have the commitment or the will to be like the wealthy or powerful. I cannot drive that direction. Which leaves poverty I guess? It doesn't bother me, it's just a strange acknowledgement. What does it mean that I'd rather write absurd fiction than chase a position worth more in yearly salary? Is this just an absurd decision of youth that will end in tears? What if it is? I don't know. It looks to me like what most people do to "opt out" of the "Oh Shit What Am I Doing With My Life Crisis" is to not think about it and roll with whatever mediocre job pays best? It's like you're either one of those hyper-motivated climb-the-rung-types, or you're a half-assed sorta-chased-my-dream-then-did this type. Such a dichotomy is oversimplifying of course, but still. Isn't it sort of that? What the shit?

I wanted to end this babbling in some sort of profound note, but shit damn I ain't got nothin' son. It's just a weird place right now, and there's all sort of rationalizing going on that makes me want to punch someone in the face and blow something up, which I guess explains a lot?

Well not really, but it would have been a good sort of ambiguous is-Chris-siding-with-anarchists/crazies/terrorists/whatever? No, not really, it's all contrived. When did anyone born after 1980 ever feel somethinge genuine anyways?
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Three times: 1980, 1984, and 2004.



February 10 2008, 00:14:40 UTC 10 years ago
I don't know, does it have to be an either/or thing in terms of chasing dreams or pay cheques - isn't that idea kind of cleché?

For me, at least, it seems to be true that the more activities I try, the better off I am in both work at play. More activities give you more perspectives to look at things from, and more tools to work on problems.

For my part, I spend some of my free time in many different areas of self-improvement - I learn new recipes, I work on adding items to my resume through self study, I roleplay, I work on my weight. Heck, I'm finally looking at getting my drivers license. I'm getting good at most of these things. Not amazing, but good enough, and that's all I really need. It's weird, but the more things I do, the more I find that these things all help me in my professional life.

To take one item from my list, cooking comes up a surprising amount at the office; I can talk about it with everyone, everyone cooks, everyone likes food, and everyone appreciates it when I bring something awesome to a pot luck. Popularity is important at work to move up, and food makes you popular.

So perhaps you should look at it this way; What edge does writing give you? What edges do your other activities give you?
It looks to me like what most people do to "opt out" of the "Oh Shit What Am I Doing With My Life Crisis" is to not think about it and roll with whatever mediocre job pays best?

I would agree with that assessment.

p.s. Je ne sais quoi
I don't know about DEATH of the middle class, that's a bit extreme.. I think there's going to be a wider gap between middle and upper class... but then we're sort of shielded around here. I see a lot of businesses closing down, while at the same time I see a lot of jobs opening up at larger places. America is definitely becoming corporate!